A Dog Among Princes

Chapter 36

Even with all his knowledge of strategy and experience with the careful balancing of funds and resources during war time, Griffith was discovering that planning a wedding was quite difficult. He was undertaking the task alone as he studied for civil service exams, itself not an easy task, however one necessary for him. Being idle for too long drove him out of his mind. If he didn’t receive a challenge or a puzzle to solve fairly regularly he began to feel restless, often accidentally creating trouble for himself in his search for something to satisfy his need for stimulation. He could have rested on his laurels, allowed himself to become a beautiful accessory, or worse a king with nothing in the way of qualifications, but that wasn’t in his nature. If Guts’s lot was to forever struggle, then his own was to strive, to reach ever higher until he could pull kings and gods from their thrones and claim their crowns for himself. So he continued to strive, even though anyone else would’ve been satisfied with his lot. There was always further to climb.

He heard someone come in and walk up to his desk. Without looking up he asked, “Did you bring me the figures I asked for?”

“I need to speak with you.” That wasn’t the accountant. His eyes left the sheets of sums and options for decorations and landed upon Farnese. She had brought her half brother along with her as well, not that she knew that of course. Griffith did enjoy being able to outplay those of noble birth. It was always far more satisfying to beat those who knew what they were doing at subterfuge.

“My lady.” He inclined his head slightly. Griffith was not king yet, nor would the crown be his by right until he was wed. That was a tenuous position to be in. In situations like this it was best to ensure that threats were delivered as politely as possible. It was always better to have at least a little bit of plausible deniability. “What might I assist you with?”

Serpico closed the door behind him and locked it. Griffith raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that’s wise?”

“We were hoping for a private discussion, Sir.” Serpico made sure to put as much emphasis on the word as possible to ensure Griffith didn’t misinterpret the action. A locked door would only impede his own escape if the living weapon before him decided he didn’t like where the conversation was going. “There are things my lady wishes to remain in confidence.”

“Of course, I understand the necessity of keeping certain things secret.” He grinned at Serpico, showing more teeth than was strictly necessary.

“She knows. All of it.” The smile fell from his face for a moment before he recovered himself. Clearly he hadn’t expected Serpico to come clean.

“I do not wish to expose you, I merely have questions I wish to ask.”

“A woman of god has questions for one such as me? When nothing but lies fall from a demon’s lips?” Griffith couldn’t help but notice how beaten down Lady Farnese looked. Bags hung under her eyes, and her eyes searched his face with hollow resignation. There was none of the self righteous arrogance of before.

“Please.” Her voice was small. “There is something I must confirm with you. During the eclipse… there were four beings that tempted you, yes?”

“Yes.”

“And had you said yes, you would have become a fifth.”

“Yes.”

“That is all.” Her eyes had gone somehow even more hollow than before. She tried not to show it in her expression, but he had an idea of what may have just happened. What she really wanted to know was whether or not the things that had offered him power were the four angels mentioned in the scripture of the Holy See. Griffith was unsure himself, but he had certainly noticed the similarities between the story of the sage who had called down ruin upon Gaiseric’s empire and his own. Griffith of course didn’t really care to find the answer to that question. He placed his faith in himself, only the weak clung to institutions, begging to be given purpose. Of course for Farnese, one of those who did, this was a far more important question to have answered. She was an inquisitor after all. If the faith she adhered to was built upon lies, that would make her a murderer.

Farnese was glad that she hadn’t eaten. She felt like she was going to be sick again. If there was anything in her stomach she would’ve already embarrassed herself in front of the monstrous knight. She didn’t want to believe it, but the evidence was too compelling to ignore. All of it was for nothing. The death, the guilt, none of it had been in service of a greater good. It was all just more and more misery piled onto the altar of a false god.

Farnese unlocked the door and tried her best not to stumble out. Serpico followed close behind and hesitantly placed a hand on her arm. “My lady…” he trailed off not knowing what to say to comfort her. What could he really say?

“It is freeing in a way.” Freeing wasn’t the word she wanted to use. She had had the earth beneath her and sky above her ripped away, revealing an endless void. There was no path laid out for her, no destined trail she’d followed to this point. The only future she had was the one she would build with her own two hands, and that terrified her.

Charlotte was beginning to take inventory of her skills. As a lady of the court she was expected to be proficient in a variety of arts including embroidery, painting, the lyre, composition of poetry, and etiquette. She could read, write, and do sums, but had no experience working as a clerk of any kind. Perhaps she could find work as a governess, though her age might make that difficult. She had still been under one's tutelage herself when she left home. With her intimate knowledge of Midland’s political systems she supposed she could become an ambassador, however she would only be comfortable doing that once her father was dead and at that point, considering how his marriage was going, she would probably still be heir to the throne. Just sitting around and waiting for her father to die didn’t sit right with her either though. Not that she would do anything to speed the process along herself.

She understood assassination, even and especially assissination of one’s own family, was a matter of course in many courts, including the one she had once been a part of. However, even if it was arrogance, even if it was cowardice, she could not bring herself to bloody her hands. Everyone around her had, at some point, killed for what they believed in. In a more distant sense, as a head of state, Griffith, Guts, and Casca had bloodied their hands hundreds of times on her behalf, yet her hands remained spotless. Even with the guilt she felt for that, she could not bear the thought of dirtying them. Especially not with the blood of her father, even after all he’d done. It would have pained her too much. So, there was but one path forward: discover something to do and wait.

Charlotte watched from her window as Farnese and Serpico returned. She waved, attempting to catch Farnese’s attention, but the knight didn’t seem to notice.

Farnese had a difficult time accepting herself, far more than Charlotte had. Although perhaps there was something to be said about losing everything making it easier for the princess to come to terms with who she was attracted to. Farnese still had a position within the church, a newly tenuous one. She hadn’t blamed Charlotte at all, in fact Farnese had been almost desperately apologetic for “sullying Charlotte’s honor” the first few times she’d gone to check on her. Once she had realized Charlotte did not see what had happened in the same light she had grown quiet, though she hadn’t threatened her with fire and brimstone either. Hypocrisy is a sin after all.

Farnese wasn’t sure she could face speaking to Charlotte. She saw now that she had not followed the princess here with her best interests truly at heart. It had been an unearned sense of moral superiority that caused her to join her company. Farnese was everything that others had accused her of being, simultaneously an ignorant rich girl and murderer. She could justify her conduct to herself no longer. But that was precisely why she had to face Charlotte. She had to face judgment for what she had done. Charlotte had never been afraid to speak the truth to her. Her reproach could absolve her of this guilt.

Charlotte could feel the mantle of misery that shrouded Farnese as she entered her chambers. Her shoulders drooped under its weight, her eyes clouded behind its veil.

“It didn’t mean anything,” she said, her voice matter of fact in its hollowness. “None of it meant-“ she couldn’t continue, the words choked her as she attempted to force them from her throat. Her knees buckled under her. Charlotte moved toward her slowly, as if she was approaching a frightened animal. She reached out her hands and withdrew them, hesitating for a moment. Then she steeled herself and took Farnese’s head in her hands. The knight grabbed onto her wrist, using it to steady herself as she began to cry.

“Then you also cannot bring yourself to return.” Farnese nodded, knowing that to say the words aloud would strangle her. “I admit that I currently have no prospects and for the moment my comfort here depends on the charity of friends, but as you have no friends here to provide you charity would you allow me to extend my own hand?” Charlotte looked in that moment more like a saint to Farnese than any priest or pilgrim knight.

“I’ve killed in cold blood, my lady. In taking your hand I would sully it.”

“My hands have been without stain for too long. Let me risk something for the sake of another. Even if it is so little as to take you as my companion.”

“I do not believe I am fit to be even that.” Charlotte wiped away one of her tears with her thumb.

“How can you know that if you are unwilling to even try.” Charlotte kissed Farnese’s forehead. “Besides, there is something you can do for me that I cannot do for myself.” She avoided eye contact. “His majesty has informed me that my father will be present at his highness’s wedding. Not by reason of any mutual respect or even fondness, but merely for the sake of diplomacy. To refuse him would seem aggressive given my father’s slight against his house. His Majesty has already offered me protection, but I would feel safer with a personal bodyguard as well.”

“You would not just hide?” Charlotte had considered it, but no. She would see the beast who broke her heart wed. Her cowardice had been indulged long enough.

“No. Not this time.” Farnese could not understand how such a frail looking younger girl could seem so strong, could loom so much taller than herself. Her future was hers to build, but for the moment she would beg Charlotte for its bricks and timber.